okaaaaaaaaay. i am NOT okay.
PLEASE. i tried to say everything is okay now and that i am okay now.
but why does everything have to reveal to me at this moment and time?
it seems now that i am a punching bag being punched when i was already unprepared to be punched. PAIN is teasing me with his strategies- PAIN definitely knows my woes, worries and weaknesses.
but WHY?
yea, i SUPERRRRRR TRUST YOU, i do.
then i realized with the evidences that bit by bit opened my eyes to what's really GOING on and where is my place now in this small yet gigantic world, that i am the what you call INTRUDER.
i don't like to hurt other people but it's soo PAINFUL now to hurt myself a bit more, too.
i told you i trust you but why is it that time tells me it's TOO LATE now?
is it really too LATE?
am i nothing in your life now?
have i become the INTRUDER now?
can't i give you now the things i missed to give you before?
are YOU happier with HER?
please. tell me what's really going on. this is making me pathetic, crazy.
it doesn't matter now how many buckets have i filled with my bitter tears that at least make me feel better. PLEASE give me a sign if we'd still be back or if you want me NEVER.
" i never had a dream come true, until the day that i found you.."
it's TRUE. i have been launching trips for my quest for true friend and then you came on the most perfect time, unexpectedly showing me the very thing i've been searching for all this time.
"you're the missing piece i need.."
my life is an unsolved jigsaw puzzle. i know how jumbled my existence is, how i scatter everything. and then you came and help me solve them.
i can still recall those times i was about to give up, but you told me to rise and be bold enough.
and then i was.
would you leave me or what?
just please don't be mute now.
i know what you're feeling all this time, and i hope you know what i feel to.
i have to stop feeling this way because i know this will make you worry more.
i'm sorry. i just can't afford to lose you because a PART of me is ALWAYS with YOU.
inalei
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
if i am dreaming, don't wake me up.
there's one thing i really learned today and that is:
YOU CAN NEVER CONTROL/MANAGE/DIRECT/OWN TIME.
oyea. but before anything, i'd like to say: HELLO BLOGGER! lol
it's my first time here, i just got my account minutes ago thanks to JULLIENE. :D
anyways, here's how it goes.
a lot of things certainly happened today, the funny thing is that they all happened so fast!
and it took me a trip to my home before i finally realized that i got what i BADLY NEED. lol.
i dunno how to boil down everything, aside from the fact that it is a private life i somehow wish to conceal to public, except that my emotions can never be hidden because i express them out all the time. haha.
but let me just say that i have valued that person too much and then perhaps i was already choking that person with the super negative integers of my humanity that kept us apart since then. it has been too long now and all i wish was to be back to where we have been yesterday.
like little kids playing in a playground, that when we would ever encounter misunderstanding, we would just get mad at each other for 5 seconds (the maximum). and it was NEVER easy.
so it was basically a surprise for me when that person came to me to say sorry.
i mean, it was I who usually- who ALWAYS comes to that person and plead that we would talk about what's really going on.
for a long span i have been already torturing myself with some kind of pain called REGRETS.
and then i thought of giving up.
but i know i can't do so.
call me FOOLISH, INSANE, OBSESSED or whatever names you'd like to call me.
those are all useless because you don't see the real picture.
my heart is NOT your heart. lol.
and then that was it.
i WONDERED why i didn't cry because everytime i dream of us asking apology to each other, i was always crying with those bitter tears. but in reality, i never did do so. hahaha. (but i cried buckets before that time came).
okay, and we were OKAY.
i hope everything will be OKAY now, too. and that, that apology we exchanged is for REAL.
i mean, i really MEANT it.
soooo now, let me end this chronicle by saying i TRUST that person much.
and that whatever she has in mind, whatever she has to say or do- i'll still be trusting her my life.
she has been a friend, a dear friend for a long time now. and that i can't afford to lose her without doing anything to make her stay.
i will wait for the right time, but hey! i'm JUST HERE.
NOT INVISIBLE. NOT BLIND. NOT DEAF.
i'm here to CARE, CARE and CARE.
whoa! thank YOU for still being YOU.
hahahahaGRID. ♥
YOU CAN NEVER CONTROL/MANAGE/DIRECT/OWN TIME.
oyea. but before anything, i'd like to say: HELLO BLOGGER! lol
it's my first time here, i just got my account minutes ago thanks to JULLIENE. :D
anyways, here's how it goes.
a lot of things certainly happened today, the funny thing is that they all happened so fast!
and it took me a trip to my home before i finally realized that i got what i BADLY NEED. lol.
i dunno how to boil down everything, aside from the fact that it is a private life i somehow wish to conceal to public, except that my emotions can never be hidden because i express them out all the time. haha.
but let me just say that i have valued that person too much and then perhaps i was already choking that person with the super negative integers of my humanity that kept us apart since then. it has been too long now and all i wish was to be back to where we have been yesterday.
like little kids playing in a playground, that when we would ever encounter misunderstanding, we would just get mad at each other for 5 seconds (the maximum). and it was NEVER easy.
so it was basically a surprise for me when that person came to me to say sorry.
i mean, it was I who usually- who ALWAYS comes to that person and plead that we would talk about what's really going on.
for a long span i have been already torturing myself with some kind of pain called REGRETS.
and then i thought of giving up.
but i know i can't do so.
call me FOOLISH, INSANE, OBSESSED or whatever names you'd like to call me.
those are all useless because you don't see the real picture.
my heart is NOT your heart. lol.
and then that was it.
i WONDERED why i didn't cry because everytime i dream of us asking apology to each other, i was always crying with those bitter tears. but in reality, i never did do so. hahaha. (but i cried buckets before that time came).
okay, and we were OKAY.
i hope everything will be OKAY now, too. and that, that apology we exchanged is for REAL.
i mean, i really MEANT it.
soooo now, let me end this chronicle by saying i TRUST that person much.
and that whatever she has in mind, whatever she has to say or do- i'll still be trusting her my life.
she has been a friend, a dear friend for a long time now. and that i can't afford to lose her without doing anything to make her stay.
i will wait for the right time, but hey! i'm JUST HERE.
NOT INVISIBLE. NOT BLIND. NOT DEAF.
i'm here to CARE, CARE and CARE.
whoa! thank YOU for still being YOU.
hahahahaGRID. ♥
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